Don’t get me wrong, I know I am beyond blessed. I have a full 4 year sports/academia scholarship, I have an amazing family, I have great friends.
But I cry myself to sleep, my medicine doesn’t work anymore. I think about shooting up more and more everyday, and at this point my scholarship is the only thing stopping me. My nightmares have started back up, I look over my shoulder all the time. When people touch me, I flinch. I can’t fall in love because I’m emotionally scarred. I’m seriously beyond scared of almost every man I come in contact with. My skin crawls and waits for a razor’s edge or a needle prick.
Living in this world is so goddamn hard. Why bless someone who can only half enjoy it?
Just thought I’d give you a throwback to 2 years ago. I’m kind of sad I gave the training and fitness competitions up. But I’m still just as comfortable with the way my body looks and couldn’t be more pleased knowing I’m in shape.
Ugh I miss looking like this